


Lucky Strike

by JCMadGirl



Series: Follow you [3]
Category: Outer Banks (TV)
Genre: Again, Angst, Child Abuse, Drinking, Hurt JJ (Outer Banks), It's described quite in details be aware, JJ has some serious self-esteem issues, Jealous JJ, John B patches JJ up, Luke's A+ Parenting, M/M, Panic Attacks, Smoking, Swearing, This boys are a Disaster
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-07
Updated: 2020-05-07
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:09:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24059503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JCMadGirl/pseuds/JCMadGirl
Summary: It's a good night, until it isn't.**Or, JJ spots John B flirting with someone else and talks himself into a bad decision (which has an unxepcted outcome).
Relationships: JJ & Kiara & Pope & John B. Routledge, JJ/John B. Routledge
Series: Follow you [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1734061
Comments: 13
Kudos: 298





	Lucky Strike

**Author's Note:**

> HI!!  
> Third chapter, wow.  
> This is darker than the other two, because it's very graphic, so be aware of that.  
> This is for all my JJ/John B shippers, I am one of you.  
> As usual, comments and kudos are appreciated!  
> Song: Lucky Strike by Troye Sivan.

_ [ _ _ 'Cause you're safe like springtime _

_ Short days, long nights, boy _

_ Tell me all the ways to love you _

_ 'Cause you taste like Lucky Strikes _

_ You drag, I light. _ _ ] _

**JJ**

It all starts the way it always does, with a keg party.

It’s a good night. 

JJ is high as a kite and a bit tipsy, the music loud in his ears, reverberating in his chest.

Pope is by his side, eyes on Kie as she dances, hips moving slowly to the music. 

She’s hot, JJ thinks distantly, and in a different universe maybe they could be together.

In this one, Pope is desperately in love with her, and he wouldn’t do that to him. 

(And JJ likes someone else too much.)

John B is currently walking up to them, a big smile on his face, precariously holding four cups of  _ something. _

“What if I just tripped him?” JJ muses to Pope, and Pope smiles, eyes shifting from Kie to John B, who is still stumbling to get to them.

“Do it.” Pope says, JJ snorts.

“Instigator.” Pope pats him on his back and goes back to wistfully staring at Kie. JJ, instead, decides to make himself useful and help John B with the glasses. He grabs two of the red cups, and hands them to Pope and Kie. John B hands him his, and JJ takes a sip. 

“The fuck is this? Piss?” He asks, grimacing, and John B laughs, throwing back his head.

(JJ might be staring.) 

“It’s- uh- someone tried to make Long Islands but I guess they failed.”   
“Bro, this tasted  _ nothing  _ like a Long Island.” 

“Shut the fuck up, JJ, I’ve literally seen you drink vinegar.” 

“Vinegar is delicious.  _ Haute cuisine,  _ if you will.” John B snorts, and time passes like that. JJ smokes through half a pack of cigarettes, and John B steals a couple for himself, and Kie glares at them because  _ smoking is bad, guys! _

At one point John B gets up again to get them more drinks.   
“Make it simple, JB, like a vodka lemon or something. that's hard to fuck up.”   
“You will drink whatever I bring you, JJ, shut up.” JJ winks at him.

(Is John B blushing?)

(No, no fucking way. JJ is making things up.)

JJ forces his eyes off John B and lights himself another cigarette just to have something to do. He’s still high as the clouds, and he’s vibing and everything is good.

While they wait Kie gets into a rant about the environment, and JJ finds himself eloped into cleaning the beaches tomorrow afternoon, which isn’t his idea of fun, but Kie asked, so. 

“I can’t believe you’re making me do this, Kie.” JJ complains. She punches him lightly on the arm, and he puts one hand up to his chest.

“Oh, no, you killed me, Kie! You killed your friend! How dare you?” Pope snorts when he falls on the sand, making choking sounds. 

“Idiot.” Pope says, and JJ laughs, looking up to the sky. 

(He names the constellations John B taught him in his head.)

(Nerd.)

“Why is John B taking so long? This bitch is thirsty.” JJ says, pulling himself upright again. Kie’s eyes slide over the crowd, then she smirks. JJ follows her gaze, and  _ oh. _

He’s talking to a girl.

Well, flirting really.

He feels Pope’s burning eyes on him, but he doesn’t look back. 

The girl, a pretty blonde with legs for miles is laughing at something John B said, resting one hand on his arm.

(It’s like all the air got sucked out of JJ’s lungs.) 

John B smiles at her, and JJ has to look away. 

( _ Get a grip, you dumb fuck.) _

(The worst part is that he has  _ no right _ of being jealous. None.) 

JJ is rolling another blunt before he can even process it. 

“Wow, JJ, you might wanna slow down, man.” Pope says, worry flashing in his eyes. JJ shrugs. 

“Why? I have it, might as well use it.” He says, smiling. 

(Lying comes natural to him.)

(It’s a bit sad.)

(JJ can’t breathe though, so what if he just smokes his unrequited feelings away?)

JJ lights the blunt, bringing it to his lips and taking a long drag. It’s good, it’s fucking perfect, in fact. 

“Want some?” He asks to Kie, and she shakes her head lightly.

“No thanks, I’m already too drunk.”

“Smart girl, never mix alcohol and weed.” JJ says wisely, pretending to brush a long beard. Kie rolls her eyes so far she can probably see her brain. 

“You’re mixing right now.” She points out, and JJ gives her one of his brightest smiles.

“Yeah, but I am a bad boy. I don’t follow the rules.” She makes a gagging sound, and Pope laughs, and for a second JJ can pretend he’s okay, and really doesn’t care that John B tonight will fuck that pretty blonde.

He turns back around (because he’s a masochist) and the girl is much closer to him now, hands over his chest. John B is smiling, maybe a bit awkwardly, but definitely smiling. 

Then she leans in, and JJ can’t take it. He’s standing up before he can even process it.

“JJ?” Pope’s voice cuts through the haze in his mind.   
“Where are you going?” Kie asks, looking up at him with shining eyes. 

“To take a piss, want to come?” She makes a puking sound. 

“Gross, JJ.” He smiles at her.

(His chest feels heavy.)

JJ starts walking, and Pope follows him.

“JJ?”   
“Can a man have some privacy?” 

“JJ, I know you’re not going to pee.”   
“Not in the mood, Pope. Give me a break, bro.” 

“It’s because of John B, right?” He asks, with so much certainty in his voice that it doesn't even sound like a question. JJ whips around, the world spinning on his axe. 

“The fuck did you just say?” JJ growls, glaring. Pope doesn’t seem impressed.

( _ Pathetic.) _

“You like him, don't you?” 

(Ah, that’s funny.)

(JJ is hopelessly  _ in love  _ with him.)

_ (Fuck you, Pope, you're wrong.)  _

(It’s a bittersweet victory.) 

“I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about, Pope.” He says, throat dry. He turns back and goes back to walking. 

(He needs to get away from this party, like, ten minutes ago.)

Pope grabs his arm, and JJ winches, jerking back. 

“Shit, JJ, sorry-

“Leave me alone, Pope.”   
“Where are you going?” 

“None of your fuckin’ business.”    
“JJ-

“Christ, Pope, I’m just going to the Chateau, okay? I need to take a nap.” 

“You can always talk to me, you know that, right? Or Kie?”    
“I don’t need to talk about anything. I’m fine.” 

(He usually lies better than that.)

( _ I’m losing my touch, damn.) _

“Text me.” Pope says, and JJ nods, already walking away. 

He doesn’t go to the Chateau.

Or, well, he does. And he’s standing right on the porch, staring at the door with shaky hands.

(He’s overreacting.)

(What the fuck is wrong with him?)   
(John B is his  _ best friend.) _

He’s about to walk in when he realizes that everything smells of John B in that fucking house, and JJ really can’t take that right now.

He turns around and starts walking again, hands itching for  _ something. _

(A cigarette, John B’s hands, a drink, John B’s hair, a  _ fight.) _

That sounds like a good idea.

(It’s not, it’s really not, JJ  _ knows  _ that.)

(He also knows that tomorrow he’ll feel like shit.)

(But his chest is so fucking tight he can’t breathe, and it’s vision is a bit blurry.)

(He’s not crying, fuck you.) 

It’s his fault, really. Leave it to him to catch feeling for his best friend, which might ruin the only good thing in JJ’s miserable life.

( _ You always fuck up everything, don’t you?) _

He lights himself a cigarette, blowing out the smoke quickly. When the first one finishes, he lights another, then another, then  _ another. _

( _ Why do you always ruin everything?) _

(Christ, fuck off.) 

JJ looks up, and there he is. In front of his house. The lights are on, Luke must be home.

( _ Don’t do it.) _

The voice, that sounds a lot like John B, is right.

_ Christ. _

What the fuck is he doing? 

JJ swallows hard, shaking his head.

Sure, he might be itching for a fight, but he’s not going there if he can avoid it. And he can. He just needs to go back to the party, and everything will go back to being okay. 

Jesus, fuck.

He’s already walking away when the front door swing open.

“Son!” JJ’s blood freezes in his veins. 

_ (Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck- _

(Why is he so  _ fucking  _ stupid?)

He turns back slowly, hands already shaking. 

“Hey, dad.” He says, and his voice sounds weak.

( _ Pathetic.) _

“Come here, fucker.” Luke says, words slurring in his mouth. 

(He should have stayed at the Chateau, he's such and idiot-

He's walking before he can even process it, legs moving of their own volition.

(He hates that Luke has all this power on him.)

(He hates that he can't say no to him, even if he knows what's about to happen.)

( _ Weak.) _

As soon as he's within arm’s length, Luke grabs the front of his shirt, and drags him in the house. 

“Where have you been?” Luke growls, holding him against the wall. He doesn't answer, because he knows Luke doesn't really want him to. 

“You always come back in the end, though. Got hungry, fucker?” JJ shakes his head, slowly.

(He’s too high for this shit.)

The world is spinning fast, and JJ can’t breathe, heart racing.

“Go get me a beer.” Luke lets him go so suddenly that it takes JJ’s drugged brain a second to process it. He moves mechanically, opening the fridge to grab a bottle and going back to the couch where Luke is sitting. 

His hands are shaking as he opens it, and then Luke gets up, unexpected and fast, and the beer slips off his hand and shatters into a million pieces. 

Everything is eerily quiet for a long second, enough for JJ to look up and see the fist coming rapidly at his face. He doesn’t move, because that would make it worse. 

It hurts, of course it does. JJ can taste blood in his mouth. 

“You fuckin’ piece of shit-

Luke grabs his shoulder and holds him stead as he throws another punch. Then another, and another, and then JJ is on the ground, vision blurry. 

“Get up.” Luke says, and JJ would  _ love  _ to do that, but he finds that he can’t. He looks up to meet Luke’s angry eyes, and he knows he’s fucked. 

Luke kicks him in the stomach, and JJ rolls on the floor, over the pieces of glass. 

“You worthless bastard, fuckin’ useless, can’t even grab me a beer without fuckin’ up, can you?” Luke’s words wash over him like ice, and JJ bites back a whimper. 

“Dad-

“Shut  _ up!”  _ JJ does, mouth falling shut, as Luke grabs him by his hair, pulling him up again. JJ’s eyes are watering, and he has to blink away the tears.

( _ Men don’t cry, son.) _

“No wonder your mom left you.” Luke growls, and JJ feels empty. 

Luke pushes him up against the wall, one hand around his throat, tight. 

“Dad.” He chokes out, hands closing over Luke’s wrist to try and push him away. “Please, please-

“Shut the  _ fuck  _ up, you piece of shit.” 

JJ’s vision starts clouding, darkness pulling at the edges. His feet are not touching the ground.

“ _ Dad- _

He’s sure he’s going to pass out when finally,  _ finally,  _ Luke lets go. JJ drops to his knees, air flowing back into his lungs, and he sucks in a sharp breath, coughing. 

( _ Fuck, fuck, shit, fuck- _

Luke kicks him on his chest again, then again, kneeling over him to straddle his hips and hold him down. 

JJ starts thrashing immediately, trying to get his father off of him, but he’s high and Luke’s stronger, and in a minute Luke has his hands pinned to the floor. 

Then everything is pain. 

Luke goes on even after JJ stops fighting, blood pooling around him, after JJ stops making any sounds, Luke’s word still pouring along with his fists.

He’s about to pass out when the front door swings open. 

( _ God, no.)  _

**JOHN B**

John B takes a step back when Blondie (Julie?Juliet? Fuck if he knows) tries to kiss him.

(This entire conversation has been awkward as fuck, and it’s time to put a stop to it.) 

“Thanks, I’m flattered, really, but I’m not interested.” He says gently, and Blondie looks put out for a second, then she’s leaving in a swirl of blonde curls.

John B sighs to himself, finally managing to grab the drinks and stumbling his way back to the group. 

Except, only Kie is there. 

“Where are the others?” He asks, frowning. 

“To take a piss.” She replies, grabbing a drink. “JJ looked upset, though.”    
“What? Why?” 

(His brain zeroes on that, as it always does when JJ isn’t okay.)

(It should be worrying, the way JJ is always his first priority.) 

(Well, he is worried, just not about that.)

(Still about JJ, though.)

“Where are they?” Kie shrugs.

“Went that way.” She points it out, getting up. “Everything okay?”    
“Yeah, I mean. I’ll just check up on them real quick.” He says. 

Too bad he can’t really find them anywhere. 

Christ, this party isn’t that big, they have to be  _ somewhere _ . 

Then he spots Pope, back with Kie.

“Pope, hey, where’s JJ?” He asks before even reaching them. Pope has that look he gets when he knows something you don’t but really should.

“Went to the Chateau.” He answers, the subtext obvious.

(‘ _ Go to him.’) _

John B doesn’t need to be told twice. He quickly waves them goodbye and starts walking, almost running. 

He gets at the Chateau in record time, chest tight. 

( _ Where are you? Where are you? Where- _

_ (JJ- _

The Chateau it’s empty. John B checks all the room, and by the HMS POGUE and by the fucking rooster, because JJ likes that rooster and he might be there, but he’s not. 

“Fuck.” He says to himself.

He calls JJ’s phone, and he doesn’t pick up. 

Truth to be told, John B already knows where he is. 

( _ Idiot, JJ.)  _

_ (Why?) _

He grabs his bike, and starts pedaling. 

And then he’s standing in front of the door of JJ’s house, and finds he doesn’t know what to do. 

The lights are on, which means Luke is definitely home. 

( _ JJ, JJ, JJ, JJ- _

He peaks up from the window, trying to figure out what the fuck it’s going on. 

(He feels sick.)

JJ is lying in a pool of blood,  _ his  _ blood _ ,  _ eyes closed and he’s not moving-

( _ Fuck _ ,  _ fuck, fuck no,  _ God, no-

Luke is there, he’s yelling, and he’s still kicking at JJ. Nothing else matters, except getting JJ out. So he swings the door open. 

Everything is still for a second, and JJ’s eyes open and meet his, realization downing on him. 

“JJ.” His name falls from his lips. 

“Who the fuck are you?” Luke growls, hands bloody. 

John B is going to kill him.

**JJ**

It’s all in slow motion. 

“JJ.” John B’s voice cuts through the air. 

( _ I’m going crazy.) _

(There’s no way John B is actually here.) 

“Who the fuck are you?” Luke spits out, stepping back from JJ. It takes every ounce of energy JJ has to get up. 

( _ Get up, get up, get up.) _

He gets on his knees, shaking, holding his side. He doesn’t even know which specific point hurts. 

“Go away.” He chokes out, staring hard at John B. He shouldn’t be here.

(JJ always tried so hard to keep him away from this.)

“I’m not leaving.” John B says, jaw set and eyes fierce. 

“What the fuck, son? Who’s this fairy?” Luke grabs his hair again and pulls his upright. JJ hisses, forcing his legs to cooperate before Luke pulls out all his hair. 

John B is already moving, and really, JJ can’t have that. 

“Dad, dad- 

“I didn’t raise you a fag, son of a bitch-

“Leave him alone!” John B growls, pushing Luke away from JJ and getting between the two of them.

It happens fast, JJ sees his dad clench his fist and pull back his arm, and then he’s hitting John B, who stumbles back. 

( _ Fuck no.) _

JJ moves. He grabs Luke’s stained shirt and holds him steady when he punches back. 

He’s breathing heavily, watching Luke stumble back. The man lifts one hand to his mouth, finding blood. He looks surprised.

(JJ never fights back.)

Then they're fighting, rolling on the ground in a mess of kicks and fists, and JJ sees red. He pins Luke down, sitting on his legs, and starts hitting.

There’s nothing but the feeling of his knuckles crashing against Luke’s face, the squelching sound of blood splashing on his arms, bones giving out under his hands. 

“You didn’t  _ raise  _ me. You gave me  _ nothing!”  _ The words tumble out of his mouth, fingers gripping at Luke’s shirt. “You gave me nothing but a shitty life!” 

He might be crying, he doesn’t know, he doesn’t know anything. 

(He can’t breathe.)

( _ Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you- _

There’s only space for blood, all over his hands, dripping in front of his eyes, in his mouth (coppery and disgusting), filling his nose (metallic and intense). 

“JJ,  _ stop!”  _ There are hands pulling at him, and he fights back, he’s not done,  _ not done,  _ Luke did much worse than this, and he  _ can’t stop _ -

Luke looks up to him, eyes still full of rage, face covered in blood. JJ hesitates, fist raised. 

( _ I’m becoming him.) _

He pulls back.

“I ain’t scared of you anymore.” He sobs, barely noticing the tears rolling down his cheek. 

“You fuckin’ bastard-

JJ gets up, kicks him once, and Luke groans. 

(His knees threaten to give out under him.) 

(He might puke.)

“JJ.” There’s a hand on his shoulder, and he whips around to find John B, staring at him, eyes wide. 

( _ You shouldn’t be here- _

Luke groans, rolling on his side, and JJ turns back to look at him. Luke stares back, getting on his knees.

“You will always be nothing.” He spits out. JJ nods slightly.

(He knows.)

“Let’s go.” He says, voice hoarse, grabbing John B’s arm and dragging him out. Luke yells after them, throws an empty bottle and misses entirely. JJ doesn’t look back.

Once outside, the cold air hits him. 

He sucks in a sharp breath, bending over.

Then he’s throwing up, holding onto John B’s arm. 

“JJ.” John B is brushing his hair away from his face, but JJ barely registers the contact. 

From inside the house he hears Luke screaming. He flinches. 

( _ Gotta get away, gotta take him away- _

JJ wipes his mouth on the back of his hand, and starts walking again, dragging John B with him. 

Every step sends jolts of pain through his body, but he really has no time for all that. 

(He needs to make sure John B is safe.)

Halfway to the Chateau, John B wraps one arm around JJ’s waist, holding him up. JJ doesn’t look at him, can’t, just keeps limping.

It takes forever, and they don’t say a word to each other, but eventually they make it to the porch and  _ Jesus fucking Christ, thank fuck. _

JJ drops on the couch, unable to take another step. 

“JJ.” John B is kneeling in front of him, between his legs, and JJ looks down at him.

There’s a blooming bruise on his cheek. 

JJ brushes his finger over it, barely touching his skin.

“I’m sorry.” He whispers.

(He’s definitely crying now.)

(He doesn’t even care.) 

“I’m sorry.” He chokes out, leaning forward. John B catches him, pulling him into his arms. 

JJ hides his face into John B’s chest, gripping at his stupid hawaiian shirt, full on sobbing now.

_ (Pathetic.) _

He’s distantly aware than John B is saying something, but can’t make out the words.

(He had never been so scared in his entire life.)

_ (I’m so sorry, please, fuck-  _

“JJ, it’s okay. You’re home, I got you, you’re safe, you’re okay-

JJ lets John B words wash over him.

_ (Safe.) _

_ (Home.) _

He pulls back enough to look at John B. John B lifts one hand, cupping JJ’s face. 

“You’re okay.” He says again, and JJ nods. 

(If John B is saying it, then it must be true.)

“Let’s get you cleaned up.” JJ nods again, his bones feel like jelly, and he can’t move, so he lets John B do most of the work.

John B pulls off his shirt, and sucks in a sharp breath at the rainbow of bruises on his skin. 

“Christ, JJ.” He whispers. “What the fuck.” 

JJ doesn’t say anything, because there’s nothing he could say.

(If he had just stayed here, none of this would have happened, but  _ noooo,  _ he just  _ had  _ to go and get John B hurt-

“Stop it, JJ.” 

“I’m not doin’ anythin’.” He mumbles, meeting John B’s eyes.

“You’re overthinking. This is not your fault, okay? Everything is going to be okay.” 

(JJ wants to scream that  _ no, nothing  _ is going to be okay, not after tonight, he massively fucked up, Luke will kill him next time-

“ _ JJ.”  _ John B’s voice pulls him back to the here and now, and JJ has to blink away the tears. 

(JJ is a liar at heart, and he lied when he said he wasn’t scared anymore.)

(He’s fucking  _ terrified.) _

“I can’t do it.” He croaks. “I can’t take him anymore, John B, I can’t-

“JJ, you’re never going back there.” John B says, holding his face between his hands. 

(Hands covered in JJ’s blood, by the way.)

“I- I don’t-

“You listen to me. What happened tonight- 

“I fucked up, I fucked up so bad- he’ll  _ kill  _ me, Christ, shit-

“JJ,  _ breath.”  _

“I can’t.” He whispers, pulling at his hair.

He can’t breathe.

( _ There are hands, holding him down, choking- _

John B puts one of JJ’s hand over his own naked chest, and JJ can feel his heart beating under his palm.

“JJ, come on, man, breathe with me, okay? Match my breathing, JJ, come on- yeah, yeah like that, keep going, again- good, that’s good.” 

JJ breathes. 

John B keeps talking, a constant stream of  _ ‘good’  _ and  _ ‘again’  _ and  _ ‘JJ’,  _ his voice grounding enough that JJ doesn’t slip. 

It takes forever but JJ manages to get his breathing under control, still panting a little. 

He can’t bring himself to look at John B.

( _ That was so fucking messed up. _ ) 

“I needs to clean the bruises, JJ.” John B says at some point. He nods, eyes burning as he stares hard at his hands.

_ (Christ.) _

John B’s hands are sure and practiced, and JJ really doesn’t want to think about how many times he’s done this, how much of a burden he is-

_ (Nope, not going there.)  _

He watches John B work, fingers brushing over his bruised skin to clean the blood, checking for broken bones, patching up the cuts. 

(It’s familiar, in a way.)

By the time he’s done, JJ’s entire body feels like a big bruise, nerves fried. John B sits beside him on the couch and offers him a cigarette and a hoodie that JJ takes gladly.

(It turns out his hands are still shaking too much to hold the lighter.)

(John B does it for him.)

“JJ, what happened?” John B asks, and JJ really can’t look at him. He closes his eyes instead. 

“Nothin’.” 

“Why did you leave the party, then? Why did you go- 

“I’m fine, I just had to grab-

“ _ No.”  _ JJ turns to look at him, and John B’s eyes are raw and earnest and he looks scared, which JJ doesn’t understand. “Don’t  _ lie  _ to me, JJ.” 

(How is he supposed to-

(He can’t-

( _ Fuck- _

“John B-

“I thought he killed you.” John B says, staring hard at JJ. “I got in and you looked- JJ what  _ the fuck  _ happened?” 

(It would be great if the floor opened and swallowed him whole, right about now, thank you very much.) 

“I- I saw you- I-  _ fuck.”  _ JJ presses his lips together, looking away. He lights another cigarette, standing up, winching because everything hurts.

(He can’t do this. He just can’t.) 

(John B deserves so much better than him.)

(He’s too broken.) 

( _ You’ll always be nothing.) _

He hears John B standing up and coming up to him. John B takes his wrist and JJ turns around to him, forcing down the tears filling in his eyes. 

“I can’t.” He croaks out. “I can’t tell you.”   
“Why not?” John B asks, because of course he does. “JJ, please-

JJ leans in and presses their lips together, eyes falling close.

Then he pulls back, covering his mouth with his hands.

( _ What the fuck.) _

_ (Why did I do that?)  _

_ (What the fuck, how are you so fucking stupid- _

“Shit.” He says. John B is staring at him, eyes wide and lips parted. “I’m sorry. Shit, fuck, I’m sorry- I, uh- I’m gonna go- I-

He steps back, ignoring the pain shooting through his leg. 

(His heart is about to jump off his chest.)

(He’s going to throw up.)

( _ Always ruin everything.) _

“I’m sorry, I’ll go- I’ll-

John B takes his wrist again and pulls him in, crashing their lips together. 

It takes a second for JJ’s brain to catch up with it, but when it does, he kisses back.

(His heart might have actually stopped now.) 

John B melts against him, licking gently at JJ’s lips, and he parts them, letting John B deepen the kiss.

He feels one of John B’s hand coming up to his side, resting on his hip, and he finds his own hands in John B’s shoulder and hair, pulling him close,  _ closer- _

John B pulls back, big smile stretching his lips.

“You kissed me.” JJ says.

_ (Please not a dream, please not a dream- _

“You kissed me first.” John B says, and JJ thinks he might have another panic attack if John B keeps looking at him like  _ that. _

(Like JJ matters, like JJ is everything he’s ever wanted, like he’s in-

(There’s no way this is real.)

“Is this a joke?” He asks, because he has to, because he can’t believe it, because there’s  _ no fucking way  _ John B actually  _ likes  _ him, what the  _ fuck- _

“What? No, of course not.” John B’s fingers tighten on his hips. 

“I don’t understand, that girl at the beach- John B what  _ the fuck?”  _

“What girl? I- is that why you left?” John B’s face falls, and JJ realizes his mistake.

“John B-

“Shit, it’s my fault, fuck JJ, I’m so  _ sorry,  _ I didn’t-

“No, no,  _ fuck no.”  _ JJ licks at his lips, watches John B follow the movement, feels a smile stretching his mouth. “It’s not your fault.” He says.

John B looks up at him again, stroking JJ’s cheek, over the small cuts. 

“I don’t care about her, JJ. I don't give a fuck about anyone else.” John B says. 

(‘ _ Anyone else but you’.) _

(JJ hears it loud and clear.) 

He leans in again, catching John B’s lips in another kiss. 

Kissing John B feels like breathing after being in apnea for so long.

(And JJ has been holding his breath for  _ years.) _

John B’s hair is soft in his fingers, and he tastes like blood and beer, and JJ can’t remember the last time he felt like this.

( _ Happy.) _

John B strokes his face, one hand coming down to his side again, pulling him close, until they’re pressed against each other, and JJ lets himself be held and kissed and it’s so  _ good. _

**JOHN B**

JJ is sleeping, snoring softly. 

John B keeps tracing circles over his side, his hips, pressing kisses to his shoulder and neck and cheek and temple and hair. 

(He can’t believe it took them so long to get here.)

JJ looks calm when he sleeps, much younger than usual, face relaxed and lips parted. 

Sure, he’s also covered in bruises from head to toe, but he also knows that tonight was the last time.

He’s never letting JJ go back there, and this time he intends to keep the promise.

(They just found each other, there’s not way he’s letting him go ever again.) 

JJ sleeps, and John B curls around him, holding him close.

( _ Safe _ .) 

(It’s the only thing that matters.) 

(He is.) 

John B doesn’t sleep, he can’t, but he watches JJ sleep, and when the sun rises, he watches the light painting his skin in gold and warmth, blond hair shining. 

_ (Beautiful.)  _

At one point JJ wakes up, eyes blinking open, and John B needs to take a moment to remember how breathing works.

(JJ looks at him like he’s everything.)

(No one has ever looked at him like that.) 

JJ turns around, so he can rest his head on John B’s chest. He looks up. 

“Hey.” He says, voice hoarse with sleep.

“Hi.” John B replies, running one hand through the blond strands.

JJ smiles and it’s the brightest fucking thing John B has ever seen. 

_ (Never let you go.) _

John B might be JJ’s home, but JJ is John B’s light. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you all for reading!  
> After this, I do plan to have one last part, just because I want to write some smut, but theoretically the story ends here!  
> Thank you for coming on this ride with me, it was fine.


End file.
